Monday, January 23, 2012

Bu-bye 2011, Helloooo 2012!

{ Laptop Bag}


Where, oh where did 2011 go? Wow. That just flew by me. This middle age thing makes everything speed up except my metabolism. I like to dive into a New Year with some insight into what the HELL what wrong in the previous one. Those who know me best know there is usually lots of stuff to ponder:

2011 will go down as my strangest year in a long time. I lost two very good friends, the kind you talk to often, always, daily. Not lost as in passed away, thank goodness, but lost as in things changed, sides were taken, boundaries drawn, stuff said… Over a man (not mine surprisingly) and over a job. With one I saw it coming a mile away and spent at least a year trying to stay the course; the other was a surprise ending.

In some ways it was very freeing. It quieted me. I no longer had the laundry list in my head of “wait ‘til I tell…” It saddened me. It made me question decisions I’d made 30 years ago and wonder if the preteen me had been more astute than the 20 something, 30 something and middle age me. I have cried more over the demise of two friendships than I have over the ruins of lost loves. But, it strengthened me. It made me a better person. Without my gossip girls to help me calculate the hurt and pain, trivial things stay trivial.

I have a new phrase and philosophy, “Let done be done.” I found that in a management guide and it is something I am trying to take seriously. I am trying to move past being a score-keeper. Where has that got me in life?

And two curious things happened this year. First, in a moment of utter despair over the loss of my former bff and the fun we’d had making the stuff and gathering stuff, I packed all the crafting stuff I’d been making for years and took it to the grungy local flea market to rid my soul of these material connections. I sold everything pretty fast and furious – cheap works. And got the attention of a local shop owner who happened to be there looking for eclectic finds for her fabulous fabric shop. A shop I would never, ever have solicited with samples of my work. And now I have a part-time gig doing what I want – sewing and crafting without having to stand in the pouring rain, sweltering heat or risk being blown off by the friends who decided they were superior. In the ashes of one partnership, another grew.

And the second thing, I was finally noticed for the really good work that I do and smart woman that I am and was offered a job beyond my dreams, and frankly one I would not have considered possible without a degree. Another trip to France (so much better in March than November – still trying for April in Paris though…). It has been a rocky road, once again. A friendship died in the turmoil of my success; sides were drawn and it became mean girls for the middle-aged. Every bad cliché about friendship has been realized this year.

So 2012 finds me still living in my little condo. I am still the mom I was before. I am still married, but not the least bit married. I still drive my crappy car. I will still buy fabric and buttons with my last dollar. I have less friends, appreciate those I still have more than ever, and I am more protective and less judgmental of my family.

And I can’t wait to see what 2012 has in store… hoping that it finds us all in good health, that is the greatest wealth and gift afterall.
Take care!