I can really get into a groove with hand beading.  Very zen for me.  And a bit OCD. Once I start I hate to stop :)  This is a purse I just listed on Etsy.  It is as bright and fun as can be. 

 We are in the end of the school year fun - lots of softball, dance and school activities...

3 beading girls

My little girls are not so little.  Not surprising they have decided that I'm not the only one who can create beaded fabric pieces for projects.  They are quite deft with the super sharp and tiny beading needles (touch wood!) and I haven't entrusted them with the task of threading their own needles so I now have that thankless task for all of us.  Our most recent projects - I'm handbeading a mid century scrap of barkcloth with roses, Olivia choose the fun floal and Cathrynn went for the geometric.  They are having such fun and are so proud. It's a nice quiet moment and the TV isn't blaring and they aren't doing cartwheels and hitting each other.  I don't know their intentions but mine is going to be a pocket on a tote or purse, or pillow - something!

hand beading

It always make me laugh when I'm sewing away somewhere waiting for my kids and people ask me if I hem pants. Nope. I have my needle and thread out for purely creative purposes and am not interested in that type of thing. I get to play with really cool Loom fabrics and trim (love the chairs!) and then free-style bead whatever my heart desires. Love it!

What I don't love is when my desk looks like this after a really creative spell. Not to worry though - because I love to reorganize my crafty stuff almost as much as I like to buy it. Almost ;)

calling all Cow Girls!

whining over!

sorry. I'm better (ish). thanks for your concern. :) I've decided to start listing on etsy again...

searching

Seriously. When does it get easier? When do you stop paying for ancient mistakes? Why do others seem to breeze through life? Just asking... if you know, please share. I'm searching for these and many more answers. I wish I knew a fraction of as much at 40something as I thought I did as a teenager. I don't understand men OR women now, that's different. I was coaching my daughter on dealing with mean girls and girl drama and I'm no better off than she is. I have always been prepared to be disappointed by men. But women. Women I have been friends with for years and even decades so willing to turn their backs and worse, spread lies, gossip, snicker at my expense, take delight in seeing me struggle. WTH? Some because I told the truth and it wasn't accepted and others because I worked really hard. Whatever I guess. Why do I care? Why don't they care?

Today I had my annual review at work and my boss (best boss EVER!)told me I need to work on assuming positive intent from others. Sheesh. I'm even cynical and skeptical at work I guess. She's right. But it seems like everyone in my life is ready to pick the flesh from my bones, spit in my tea, wish for my failure and misfortune. I'm considering moving back in with my ex. Yep, that's how bad it is at the moment. I may. I don't really have quality of life at the moment. Who cares. I am just going through the motions in this decade of my so called life. It would be easier for the kids. Easier for all of us. Who cares? Why not? Pride? Blech - I got none of that either. I'm just looking for things to be a bit easier. Kinder. Nicer. Gentler. Not being alone at the laundry mat on Christmas AND New Year's Eve. I mean WTF? I'm screwed.

Bu-bye 2011, Helloooo 2012!

{ Laptop Bag}

Where, oh where did 2011 go? Wow. That just flew by me. This middle age thing makes everything speed up except my metabolism. I like to dive into a New Year with some insight into what the HELL what wrong in the previous one. Those who know me best know there is usually lots of stuff to ponder:

2011 will go down as my strangest year in a long time. I lost two very good friends, the kind you talk to often, always, daily. Not lost as in passed away, thank goodness, but lost as in things changed, sides were taken, boundaries drawn, stuff said… Over a man (not mine surprisingly) and over a job. With one I saw it coming a mile away and spent at least a year trying to stay the course; the other was a surprise ending.

In some ways it was very freeing. It quieted me. I no longer had the laundry list in my head of “wait ‘til I tell…” It saddened me. It made me question decisions I’d made 30 years ago and wonder if the preteen me had been more astute than the 20 something, 30 something and middle age me. I have cried more over the demise of two friendships than I have over the ruins of lost loves. But, it strengthened me. It made me a better person. Without my gossip girls to help me calculate the hurt and pain, trivial things stay trivial.

I have a new phrase and philosophy, “Let done be done.” I found that in a management guide and it is something I am trying to take seriously. I am trying to move past being a score-keeper. Where has that got me in life?

And two curious things happened this year. First, in a moment of utter despair over the loss of my former bff and the fun we’d had making the stuff and gathering stuff, I packed all the crafting stuff I’d been making for years and took it to the grungy local flea market to rid my soul of these material connections. I sold everything pretty fast and furious – cheap works. And got the attention of a local shop owner who happened to be there looking for eclectic finds for her fabulous fabric shop. A shop I would never, ever have solicited with samples of my work. And now I have a part-time gig doing what I want – sewing and crafting without having to stand in the pouring rain, sweltering heat or risk being blown off by the friends who decided they were superior. In the ashes of one partnership, another grew.

And the second thing, I was finally noticed for the really good work that I do and smart woman that I am and was offered a job beyond my dreams, and frankly one I would not have considered possible without a degree. Another trip to France (so much better in March than November – still trying for April in Paris though…). It has been a rocky road, once again. A friendship died in the turmoil of my success; sides were drawn and it became mean girls for the middle-aged. Every bad cliché about friendship has been realized this year.

So 2012 finds me still living in my little condo. I am still the mom I was before. I am still married, but not the least bit married. I still drive my crappy car. I will still buy fabric and buttons with my last dollar. I have less friends, appreciate those I still have more than ever, and I am more protective and less judgmental of my family.

And I can’t wait to see what 2012 has in store… hoping that it finds us all in good health, that is the greatest wealth and gift afterall.
Take care!