When I stopped blogging 2 years ago, I really thought I was giving up on my dreams and all my creative ventures. I went from four solid years of being a SAHM and living my dream. I spent my life devoted to my girls and posting pictures of our moments. I painted everything I could get my hands on, sewed lace on handmade doll clothes, I cooked every meal and loved most of the life that I detailed here. I also lost a bit of myself. Lost the respect of others (right or wrong doesn't matter anymore). I have no regrets... I know that I gave my very best. And it didn't kill me to go back to work full time. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have time to analyze and mourn that girl. What I did was work my butt off. Be treated like a dumbass. take every opportunity and sieze it like a gem. I still can't believe that I found a job I love just a mile from my home. That I was able to get a nice promotion. And respect of my peers. I love being able to show my girls how strong I am and they are. How the last 2 years have brought change and we've more than survived. The irony is I thought I was giving up who I was b/c of that change, but instead I've been able to return to who I really am. I am smart, strong, I get the job done, I speak the truth. I am middle aged. Finally I've been able to accept that! I am happier in my 2 bedroom condo with peace and security than I ever was in my 4 bedroom home with the strings attached, sullen silences, constant controlling. I am free. I can spend my money on beads and pay my bills. I don't have to ask permission to have my OWN money. I don't have to ask permission to do anything as a matter of fact. I am that person that I keep trying to be but keep giving up to make room for mr. wrong. I've spent my life being a strong woman who had to make concessions. No more. I gave up my life and I gained my life back. I lost time with my kids but what we've all gained is a greater appreciation for what we have.
I just lookws around any only see that what I adore. I have edited down, but certainly not pared down. And the irony that keeps me amused. I'm living a lifelong dream - in 2 weeks I will be in Paris. For a long weekend and then business. I am living the life I wanted. I lost the life I wanted. I have time to enjoy life. I am happy. Isn't that ironic?