Sunday, October 31, 2010

the tiny foyer in my tiny cottage

This really cool hall seat was crafted from an old door by my good friends at Doe Hill.  It has a big seat that is perfect for stashing our shoes.  I've made use of every inch of this condo cottage... this area by the front door could have been wasted space, but I've managed to make a tiny work shop and lots of storage for my tins of buttons and baubles.  And trims.  And even a little desk for my sewing machine.  I love how the mirror bounces the light and opens up that space as well. 

escape


the view from Doe Hill

I spent less than 24 hours away from home, but I feel both relaxed and invigorated. I dropped the girls at their friend's house, packed a warm crumb cake and raced off to Dana's house.  We had a delish evening of girl talk, cake drizzled with warm caramel sauce and Hagan's Homemade Vanilla ice cream, baked ziti, homemade black berry pie.  Yummmmeee.  As always I slept like a baby in the quiet of their 40 acres.  I woke up at 9 am with the chill of Autumn air on my nose and a cozy quilt tucked under my chin(s!).  I almost ruined the fun by racing home.  Instead we went boot shopping.  If you ever need encouragement or the dish on the latest styles... Dana's your guide.  I went with the promise of inexpensive riding boots and came home with really cool buckled boots, a platinum/silver hands-free purse with a zillion secure pockets for navigating CDG without having my purse stolen (she bought the same!), black pants, leggings, hat, leather jacket and sweater.  It were like old times, except she wasn't trying to zip my into a pair of size 3 jeans... she instead had to help remove a really slim boot from my not at all slim calf.  A good time was had by all!

Soon we'll start the T or T outfits and head for the old hood and the promise of candy!! 

Saturday, October 30, 2010

who knew?

Rocket would be my constant companion.  I've struggled the last 6 months w/ this joint parenting with the girls.  Sometimes it is just too quiet here.  Except for the little kitten I bought as a pet for Vince - 16 years ago.  Rather ironic that I am back in an apartment setting where she's the only allowed pet.  That's why V got her for his 8th bday.  And, here we are.  V has been gone for years now.  The girls aren't always here.  But, my morning wake-up is always Rocket.  And her firm insistence that she is starving.  If I stagger in the direction opposite the kitchen she glares in disbelief.  Trips my steps as she circles my ankles in mock affection.  She would just as soon nip my toes and force me to open her cans of smelly feasts.  If I glance in her direction while she's sun bathing in front of the sliding door, she raises her head and gives me a "Meow?"  Which may or may not be WTF?  

Friday, October 29, 2010

how ironic

When I stopped blogging 2 years ago, I really thought I was giving up on my dreams and all my creative ventures. I went from four solid years of being a SAHM and living my dream.  I spent my life devoted to my girls and posting pictures of our moments.  I painted everything I could get my hands on, sewed lace on handmade doll clothes, I cooked every meal and loved most of the life that I detailed here. I also lost a bit of myself.  Lost the respect of others (right or wrong doesn't matter anymore). I have no regrets... I know that I gave my very best.  And it didn't kill me to go back to work full time.  It happened so suddenly that I didn't have time to analyze and mourn that girl.  What I did was work my butt off.  Be treated like a dumbass.  take every opportunity and sieze it like a gem.  I still can't believe that I found a job I love just a mile from my home.  That I was able to get a nice promotion.  And respect of my peers.  I love being able to show my girls how strong I am and they are.  How the last 2 years have brought change and we've more than survived.  The irony is I thought I was giving up who I was b/c of that change, but instead I've been able to return to who I really am.  I am smart, strong, I get the job done, I speak the truth.  I am middle aged.  Finally I've been able to accept that!  I am happier in my 2 bedroom condo with peace and security than I ever was in my 4 bedroom home with the strings attached, sullen silences, constant controlling.  I am free.  I can spend my money on beads and pay my bills.  I don't have to ask permission to have my OWN money. I don't have to ask permission to do anything as a matter of fact. I am that person that I keep trying to be but keep giving up to make room for mr. wrong.  I've spent my life being a strong woman who had to make concessions.  No more. I gave up my life and I gained my life back.  I lost time with my kids but what we've all gained is a greater appreciation for what we have. 

I just lookws around any only see that what I adore.  I have edited down, but certainly not pared down.  And the irony that keeps me amused.  I'm living a lifelong dream - in 2 weeks I will be in Paris.  For a long weekend and then business.  I am living the life I wanted.  I lost the life I wanted. I have time to enjoy life.  I am happy.  Isn't that ironic?