Wednesday, January 2, 2008

truth time

Here I am. A self portrait no less.

January 2nd, 2008 with Liv.
I erased about 6 pix before I took this one of us. I also did my hair and make-up first.

Truth time. Nothing like the fresh start that's offered with a new year. I'm struggling with my weight. Notice that you don't see the rest of me. I had a little breakdown yesterday when Dad found some film and a pix of me that is, well, rather disturbing (and won't be shown here until I don't look like that anymore!) . So bad that I almost hyperventilated. You see, I keep looking at myself in the rear view mirror of my car (okay, okay it's a mini-van - this truth thing stinks!) and being okay with that. Avoiding the truth, and the real rear view. And I have to change that. I have to get real, my health is at stake. Heart disease runs in my family, with fatal heart attacks by the time they were all 50. I want to be here for my kids. I don't want to be fat. I want to be happy and confident again. And there's only one way to do that and that is to accept the truth.

I need to lose a lot of weight. Not 5, 10, 20.. I need to lose - here goes the truth - 50 lbs to be in the weight watchers goal weight range for my height. I weigh 65 pounds more than I did in 1998 when I married my hubby. And 40 pounds more than I did 3 years ago. So, I can't blame this on being p/g or breast feeding. There aren't any excuses. I gained this the old fashioned way - poor eating habits and NO exercise. I am writing this for me, the written word always has more impact for me. I'm putting this out there. I wore a bathing suit with a big wrap skirt around it to the pool with the girls last summer. That should've been enough. That wasn't as embarrassing as writing this all down for the world (or at least the 3-4 people that are readers here!) to see.

I was going to start a new blog about my weight loss, and some personal struggles. I didn't want to dirty up this pretty blog with my real life! But I'm not organized enough to manage 2 blogs. So, in between the junqueygal stuff and pretty pix - you might hear too much about me, my weight, my cravings, my thighs. The size 18/20 undies from Lane Bryant that my husband bought me for Christmas. That are pretty dang comfy. Soooooooo...

You're warned. Truth ahead. It ain't gonna be pretty.

3 comments:

BumbleVee said...

Well, there you are. You have said it aloud. Like you say... first step.

If you really want to do it..you can. That is how it has to begin. It absolutely just has to be something that you want to do for you. ...... to be able to live a healthier life for you and also for your family.

You can do this thing. Many of us have.

Happy New Year..... looking forward to new pics of the new you down the line.

Angelina said...

You can put anything you want on your blog. I have the exact same amount to lose too and it's going to take a while. You can always come over to a blog I share with some friends who are also all trying to lose weight (some with WW, some without) and let it all hang out any time you feel. We've called it "The Fat Ass Water Cooler".

Thank you for commiserating on my recent unpleasant revelations!

karlascottage.typepad.com said...

YOur portrait is quite lovely.